The Best I Ever Had
by ShadowOfApate
Summary: A man from Kerry's past shows up, threatening her relationship with Kim.
1. Default Chapter

The Best I Ever Had  
  
Part One  
  
By Aeris Jade Orion  
  
Rating: R   
  
Pairing: KW/KL, KW/MW   
  
Spoilers: Yes, lots of them. This is four months after this coming episode. So I'm making a few speculations. Just in case you don't get it, this starts four months after a walk through the woods.   
  
  
  
Note: This story idea was actually Aviva's, she gave it to me to write as part of a deal we made. Not that I can remember what that deal was anymore. *sigh*   
  
  
  
Disclaimer: All characters belong to that weird Jurassic Park dude and Warner Bros.... Who ever they are....*scratches head, then glances around nervously before brushing shoulder quickly* Wacko, Yacko, and dot....   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
She stared into the deep, sea-blue eyes that had become a part of her soul, feeling her anger starting to melt. Maybe she was overreacting to all of this.   
  
  
  
"You can't keep hiding from reality."   
  
  
  
......and her anger flamed back to life. "What do you want me to do? Stand up in the middle of the ER and make an announcement?"   
  
  
  
"I want you to stop lying to everyone. I want you to stop pushing me away."   
  
  
  
"I just need some time. Kim, this is a big adjustment for me."   
  
  
  
Kim slammed the knife down onto the countertop, sighing heavily. "I've been giving you time for the last four months."   
  
  
  
She swallowed as the issue once again bared its teeth. To Out or not to Out, that is the question...   
  
  
  
Her stomach seemed to drop as she imagined the reactions her co-workers would probably have if she told them. Oh, they were tolerant people, she'd seen them face patients in same-sex relationships, handicapped patients, and a multitude of other situations. But this was her, their boss, their co-worker.   
  
  
  
She still remembered an incident a few years earlier, when she'd been in the locker room changing into scrubs. She was listening to the other women talk about Doyle, the new intern who'd come over from Southside after it closed. They were ranting about how uncomfortable they felt having to change in front of a lesbian. How they always felt like she was staring at them.   
  
  
  
As always, she had remained quiet, simply listening to the laughing conversation, but it wasn't because she didn't have anything to say. Under other circumstances, if she'd overheard the exchange somewhere more public than the locker room - the admit desk, say - she would have lectured them on the hospital's policies of tolerance and respect for all employees, regardless of race, creed, or sexual orientation. She'd let it go at the time, feeling that such a lecture might not be well received if the recipients were half-naked at the time. Increasing their discomfort would do more to exacerbate the problem than to solve   
  
it.   
  
  
  
But it was more than that. At the time, she'd suddenly found herself feeling very self-conscious. There was this funny feeling in her heart, as though they were talking to her, about her.   
  
  
  
"I need time," she whispered softly, unaware of the painful understanding that entered Kim's eyes. "I just need a little more   
  
time."   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Kim slumped down onto Kerry's sofa and let her head fall into her hands. She'd really done it this time. Kerry had been dealing with this transition better than she had originally thought, but it scared her. It scared her that one morning she'd wake up to find that it was over, that Kerry had suddenly decided that she couldn't handle it. That she couldn't handle being in a lesbian relationship, she couldn't handle society's judgments, she couldn't handle the feelings that seemed to always be lurking just beyond the corner.   
  
  
  
That was the real reason why she'd snapped that morning. Fear, of losing the woman that completed her. She knew, somewhere beyond that fear, that she needed to trust Kerry. She needed to be supportive through this, not get angry. She was just so afraid of losing her.   
  
  
  
She shuddered slightly. She had taken almost two years to come out herself, and she still didn't make her lesbianism public knowledge. She never lied about it, but she never volunteered the information either. Now, she was trying to push Kerry into being publicly gay. 'Hypocrite...'   
  
  
  
The soft knocking at the door gently brought her back to the present. She wiped absently at the tears that had sprung up in her eyes, wondering idly if it could possibly be Kerry. 'Why would she knock at her own door...? Maybe she forgot her keys?'   
  
  
  
Holding desperately onto that thought, she walked over to the door and opened it, not bothering to look through the peephole to see who it was. Her heart sank at the sight of the dark, lean man standing there. She eyed the single dark red rose in his hand and leaned into the frame so that the door opening was smaller.   
  
  
  
"I'm sorry, I was looking for Kerry Weaver. I must have the wrong address..." The dark man frowned and studied the envelope in his hand. His elegantly-tailored suit outlined his handsome frame.   
  
  
  
Kim gripped the doorknob tightly, trying to fight of the sudden urge to be jealous. "You just missed her. She...left for work about an hour ago."   
  
  
  
He considered her for a long moment, his dark emerald eyes sweeping over her before brightening. "Do you know when she'll be back?"   
  
  
  
"No. I'm afraid not. I could tell her you stopped by though, Mister...?"   
  
  
  
"Doctor. Doctor Michael Weaver. Her husband."   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Dr. Weaver, you've got a phone call on two."   
  
  
  
She glared over at Randi, trying to decide whether it was worth shoving her crutch down her throat or not.   
  
  
  
The desk clerk eyed her warily and took a hesitant step back towards Benton. "It's Dr. Legaspi. She says it's an emergency..."   
  
  
  
Her anger evaporated into concern. Kim never called her at work, if she needed to get hold of her, she usually paged her, or called her on her cell phone. "I'll take it in the lounge."   
  
  
  
She walked the short distance to the lounge door and entered, grateful that it was empty for once. As she gripped the receiver, she briefly considered that Kim was calling to break up with her. Pushing those thoughts away, she picked up the receiver. "Kim? What's wrong?"   
  
  
  
The voice at the other end sounded strangely drawn. "Listen, about this morning... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you like that."   
  
  
  
Kerry frowned. Why would Kim be calling to apologize? It could have waited until she got home. "I'm sorry too. You were right, I need to start dealing with this. I can't keep pretending like it isn't there."   
  
  
  
The silence at the other end of the phone was deafening. Kim softly cleared her throat. "The reason I'm calling is that you have a visitor."   
  
  
  
"I wasn't expecting anyone." She started to mentally go over her schedule in her mind. Jeanie wasn't supposed to meet her for lunch until Friday. Jenny was out of town for the week...   
  
  
  
"He says he's your husband."   
  
  
  
.......my HUSBAND is still in...?? Her mind screeched to a stop as it tried to grasp what Kim had just said. "My husband? Are you sure?"   
  
  
  
"He says his name is Michael Weaver."   
  
  
  
"...but why would he..?" She trailed off and mentally shook herself. "Where is he now?"   
  
  
  
"In the kitchen, I made him a cup of my, ahh...special coffee."   
  
  
  
Kerry grimaced at the tone in her lover's voice. Not quite jealous, but not very friendly either. She got the feeling that Michael wasn't getting a very warm welcome. "Should we stand by to have him arrive soon?" she asked, wryly, imagining the ambulance pulling up the ER doors, Doris giving her the bullet, Michael Weaver, 45, poisoned by wife's jealous girlfriend...   
  
  
  
"Nah, cancel the stomach pump. I figured I should check with you before going there. He's just having French Roast."   
  
  
  
Kerry was simultaneously relieved and disappointed. Then she ventured the next question. "What did you tell him about...?"   
  
  
  
"My living here?" Kim's voice lowered. "Why, I gave him chapter and verse on our sex life, of course, silly! He's lying, panting on the floor, gasping for breath. I think he's having a heart attack, but he just keeps begging for more..."   
  
  
  
"Kim...!" This wasn't helping the tightness in Kerry's chest.   
  
  
  
"Don't panic." Her tone turned dry. "He seems to think that I'm your boarder."   
  
  
  
Kerry closed her eyes, letting the bottom of the receiver swing down. She never dreamed that she'd have to deal with a situation like this. "All right, I'll be there as soon as I can. Just... Keep out of trouble."   
  
  
  
"What kind of trouble could I possibly get into?"   
  
  
  
"Are you kidding? The mind boggles..."   
  
  
  
Kerry could just see the slow, sexy smirk of humor as Kim hung up. Kim had a mischievous strike a mile long. She clearly remembered the trouble that Kim had caused two months earlier. She had witnessed Corday's verbal attack against Kerry, and to say that she'd been angry would be an understatement. The blonde had been determined to defend her honor, one way or another. So determined that she'd put the surgical floor locker rooms under surveillance. The minute Corday had entered the woman's locker room, she'd switched the signs. Five minutes later, Romano had swaggered into the locker room. The high-pitched, English-accented scream that had followed could be heard two floors away.   
  
  
  
Now, her husband was sitting in their kitchen with her lover, drinking Kim's special coffee...   
  
  
  
Her mind skidded to a halt and backed up. 'He seems to think I'm your boarder,' Kim had said. 'He seems to think...' Not 'I told him...'   
  
  
  
'Oh, god...'   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Kim eyed the handsome man. He had rich, emerald eyes and pitch-black hair, long enough to be slightly wild, but short enough to be professional. His skin was slightly tanned, and his clothes... She felt her eyes narrow at the dark black, perfectly-pressed suit and the silk shirt.   
  
  
  
When Kerry had told her about Michael she'd somehow pictured him as more... optically unpleasing. Not drop-dead gorgeous.   
  
  
  
She glanced out the kitchen door as the front door opened and slammed shut. The familiar shock of red hair came into view as Kerry rushed into the kitchen. Her eyes slid over Michael, then glided over to Kim. She could see the nervous energy radiating off of Kerry.   
  
  
  
"Kerry...my god, you look beautiful." Michael stood up and handed Kerry the single rose, then leaned in to kiss her.   
  
  
  
Kerry turned her head away and took a step back. Kim let out the breath she'd been holding. She felt herself fighting off a glare as Michael glanced over at her with a statement that clearly said 'go away'. She smiled sweetly at him, leaned back and crossed her legs, taking a long sip of her coffee. Go away yourself, asshole, I live here.   
  
  
  
Kerry gave her a knowing look as she walked over to Kim. She tensed slightly, and half-expected Kerry to ask her to leave. She had to respect Kerry's choice to remain in the closet, but nobody said she damn well had to like it.   
  
  
  
Instead, to her surprise, the redhead leaned over and gave her a gentle kiss. "I'm sorry it took me so long, I had to get Kovac to cover for me."   
  
  
  
Kim kissed the hand on her shoulder as Kerry sat next to her. Michael stared hard at her before he shifted his eyes over to Kerry. He was visibly struggling with shock, confusion, and uncertainty. It was all she could do not to laugh out loud as his mouth opened slightly then loudly popped shut again.   
  
  
  
"Michael, I take it you've meet my lover, Kim?" 


	2. Chapter Two

The Best I Ever Had  
  
Part Two  
  
By Aeris Jade Orion  
  
aerisjade@worldnet.att.net   
  
Rating: R   
  
Pairing: KW/KL, KW/MW   
  
Beta Reader: Scotty Welles   
  
Spoilers: Yes, for season seven.   
  
Timeline: Four months after Walk Through The Woods.   
  
  
  
Note: In case you haven't figured it out yet, I named it after the Vertival Horizen song. I heard it and thought thats just so perfect...*sigh* But if you've never heard it I will post the lyrics on the very last part.   
  
  
  
Disclaimer: They all belong to those three annoying puppies...   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"This just isn't like you..."   
  
  
  
Kerry let out a heavy sigh at the heartbroken tone of her ex-husband. He'd always had trouble coming to terms with the fact they were divorced. "I love her. Maybe you remember what that's like?"   
  
  
  
Michael looked up at her sharply. "You know what I mean. You're almost forty years old, and in that time I don't remember you ever considering something like this."   
  
  
  
"You mean dating a woman? Or do you mean moving in with someone I've only known for five months?"   
  
  
  
"I came here hoping that we could give this another shot." He turned those passionate emerald eyes onto her. "I realized that, even after all this time, I still love you. You're the only woman I want to be with." The desire and love on his face tore into her heart, as he whispered, "Which is why I want you to be happy. If this woman is really what you want, then I wish you all the happiness in the world, but if she isn't... Does she make you happy?"   
  
  
  
"Yes..."   
  
  
  
He studied her closely, not missing the slight hesitation in her voice. "Kerry...do you love her?"   
  
  
  
Kerry met his eyes more decisively. "Yes," she said, "I do."   
  
  
  
Michael smiled, with a resigned sigh. "I...take it your colleagues have been supportive of your relationship?"   
  
  
  
"I haven't exactly gotten around to telling them...yet." She began twisting the napkin in her hand nervously.   
  
  
  
"Kerry..." He grabbed her hand. "...I'm leaving in a few days, and I was hoping we could have dinner tonight."   
  
  
  
"I..."   
  
  
  
"Just dinner."   
  
  
  
She stared at the man she'd once loved, and found herself missing his company. This was the man who'd stood by her through the good times, and the bad. The man who'd cuddled her in his arms every night for five years. The man who'd been her best friend and her worst enemy.   
  
  
  
She fixed him with a stern look, one that he knew very well, and nodded warily. "All right..."   
  
  
  
"I'm sorry to interrupt, but where did you put the Tylenol?"   
  
  
  
Kerry glared over at Kim, as the blonde effectively avoided making eye contact with her. She was very much aware of how the taller woman had taken being asked to leave. She was also aware that Kim wasn't prepared to deal with her ex-husband's presence.   
  
  
  
Michael cleared his throat with a small smile and stood up. "I should really get going." He fastened the buttons on his blazer and bowed his head to her. "I'll see you tonight."   
  
  
  
Kerry nodded, taking in the way Kim's face had tightened considerably. Sensing the tension between them, he made his way down the short hall, and let himself out of the house.   
  
  
  
Her grey eyes darkened as she fixed Kim with the same glare that had left Michael sleeping on the couch for a week after their honeymoon.   
  
  
  
"You've never told me you love me." Kim smiled softly and moved to embrace her, pausing as she took in the simmering anger that was very visible on her lover's face. "I mean, I hoped, but..."   
  
  
  
Kerry narrowed her eyes as that one piece of information told her everything she needed to know. "Do you always make a habit of spying on your lovers?"   
  
  
  
"I wasn't spying..." She pouted slightly at the 'Yeah, right, what kind of fool do you take me for?' look. "I know I've been a little more possessive and... over-protective of you than I should be, but I would not deliberately invade your privacy. I did hear your conversation, but only because I was cleaning up the coffee stain outside the door."   
  
  
  
Kerry's neck flushed at the memories of the previous night's... accident. It was something she'd meant to clean up, but last night had left her too exhausted to do anything but fall into a deep sleep. As for that morning, well, she'd been distracted by a certain tall blonde.   
  
  
  
"Now, about that Tylenol...?"   
  
  
  
Kerry reached into the grocery bag, still sitting unpacked on the nearby island, another thing they hadn't managed to get around to last night, and pulled out the new bottle. Instead of closing the distance between them to give it to her, she held out her hand and waited for her lover to come to her.   
  
  
  
There was a new calmness on Kim's face. One that hadn't been there before the blonde had admitted to hearing her confession of love. She'd known what her feelings for the younger woman were for the last four months, but knowing them and telling her lover about them were entirely different things. That kind of confession left her vulnerable, the way that sex left her vulnerable and exposed.   
  
  
  
The long, elegant hand closed over hers, gripping the bottle. She registered in her mind that she needed to let it go, but that simple contact of skin felt so good right now. She found her left hand coming to rest on the slender waist under the soft cashmere sweater, and pulled the blonde closer. Their bodies were barely touching, their lips only a few centimeters apart.   
  
  
  
"I love you..." There. She'd said it.   
  
  
  
Kim's statement melted into shock. Even after hearing it as Kerry spoke to her ex, she couldn't believe it. Her mouth stuttered open of it's own volition, "I love you, t..." Her words were cut off as Kerry's searing lips found hers.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"I'll call and cancel."   
  
  
  
Kim tightened her hold on the lithe body in her arms. For the last few days she'd been scolding herself at being so over-protective and so afraid that the most basic trust was no longer there. It was a hard truth, but their relationship couldn't survive without that. Faith and trust were so important, and now it was time that she did what she had to in order to save that.   
  
  
  
"No." She let Kerry shift so that she was looking straight into her eyes before she continued. "I admit that I don't like the idea, but... he's your friend. It wouldn't be right for me to ask you to sacrifice that friendship, simply because of my...insecurities."   
  
  
  
"You have nothing to be insecure about. My heart belongs to you now." Kerry broke her eye contact, uncomfortable with all this baring of the souls, and sat up. "I should really get dressed. I need to stop by the hospital and pick up some paperwork before I meet him."   
  
  
  
Kim reached out and grabbed hold of Kerry, tackling her down to the bed. She began to chuckle as the short-haired redhead glared up at her with a combination of irritation and passion. She allowed her hand to begin stroking the pit under Kerry's knee. "Surely that can wait a few minutes..."   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"...I don't think I've ever seen you so furious."   
  
  
  
Kerry struggled to keep up her trademark scowl as he collapsed into a fit of laughter. His smooth, tanned skin seemed to glow against the simple candlelight. She could clearly see his white silk top pulled tautly across his lean chest, giving her a very clear idea of how sculpted his body still was. "As I recall, you ended up stranded on the side of the road in the middle of the Nevada desert..." She replied, not quite able to hide her smirk of amusement.   
  
  
  
He grinned widely, with an irresistible boyish charm, and refilled her glass of wine. "I hiked for almost ten miles in broad daylight before that convertible full of bikini models drove by."   
  
  
  
"I remember. I was pacing the living room, worried half out of my mind, when I heard this horrible booming of music outside our house." She snorted softly, giving into the urge to laugh. "I looked out the window, and there's this little black convertible filled with gorgeous women wearing these bikinis, with you sitting in the middle of them."   
  
  
  
"...and the look on your face. You looked like you weren't sure whether to hug me or throw me out onto the street!"   
  
  
  
"You were standing there, no shirt, with this ridiculous tie around your neck and a sheet tied around your waist. I wasn't sure what to think, much less what had gotten into you." Kerry still had trouble figuring out just how his bachelor party had turned out so...disastrous.   
  
  
  
"Me?" He stared at her innocently, but not quite hiding the predatory glint that was dancing just behind his eyes. "What about your own party?"   
  
  
  
Kerry nearly choked in mid-swallow. She'd been known for some of the parties she'd thrown during her school years, but her bachelorette party had been wild even by her standards. Her getting locked into a very small closet with an amorous male stripper for two hours had been the lesser of the evils that night. "I don't know what you mean."   
  
  
  
Michael's jaw dropped slightly, his eyebrow shooting up. She leaned back and smiled neutrally, not about to let him win this. She watched with amusement as his hand limply slacked and the wineglass in his hand clunked onto the table unceremoniously. She'd never seen him so completely speechless and aghast.   
  
  
  
It was all it took to push her the rest of the way over the edge. "I still have no idea how those cops went from trying to arrest me to joining the party," she admitted.   
  
  
  
"I don't know, but Morgan probably had something to do with it."   
  
  
  
"Undoubtedly." She was never too surprised by anything her lifelong best friend did. The fiery, auburn-haired woman had a natural nose for trouble...and the body to get out of it. There had always been a small amount of jealousy on her part, over her friend's comfort with sex. In fact, Morgan had been the one to teach her about the facts of life, along with other helpful tips.   
  
  
  
"Have you seen her recently?"   
  
  
  
"Christmas."   
  
  
  
"That must have been interesting."   
  
  
  
Kerry flinched as she recalled the night she'd gotten in from a double shift, only to find her front door unlocked and a certain troublemaker dancing into the hall while trying to get a pair of skintight pants on. It had been a sight that had made her laugh at the time. That was until Morgan had informed her that they were going to a rave. "Interesting is not the word I would use to describe it."   
  
  
  
"So tell me about this girlfriend of yours."   
  
  
  
She considered the man sitting in front of her. He always seemed to know what she was thinking, what she was going to say, what she was going to do. He'd been the kindest, most gentle lover she'd ever had. Now here he was, asking her about the very person that was standing in his way, and he was genuinely interested.   
  
  
  
"She's a psychiatrist..." She paused as he chuckled knowingly. She knew exactly what he was thinking and there was no way she could just let this one go.   
  
  
  
The gentle beep of his watch reflectively caused her to check her own watch. "Damn..."   
  
  
  
"What's wrong?" he asked, concerned.   
  
  
  
"It's almost ten..." She sighed, torn between not wanting the evening to end and wanting to go home to her lover.   
  
  
  
"Oh." Michael rose from his chair and moved to pull her chair back. His head snapped from the table to her quickly departing figure. With a soft grunt of frustration he threw down enough money to cover their bill twice over and snatched up his coat. He maneuvered through the crowded restaurant and dashed out the door, finally catching up with her. "Kerry..."   
  
  
  
She stopped walking and turned to him. Her little voice told her to just keep going, but she never could ignore him. His hand gently touched her arm and turned her to him. "Michael I sh..."   
  
  
  
His lips silenced hers as he kissed her with all the pent-up passion of the last few years. He sighed happily as her hands came up to his shoulders.... 


	3. Chapter Three

The Best I Ever Had  
  
Part Three  
  
By Aeris Jade Orion  
  
Rating: R   
  
Pairing: KW/KL, KW/MW   
  
Beta Reader: Scotty Welles   
  
Spoilers: Season Seven   
  
Timeline: Four months after last scene eppy.   
  
  
  
Note: In case you haven't figured it out the title came from the new vertical horizon song. Grey Sky morning ( The Best I Ever Had ). Which I've post the lyrics at the end.   
  
  
  
Disclaimer: They all belong to Batman and Robin, otherwise known as Warner Bros.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
She spotted him standing on the steps as she walked up the short path. He was pressing the doorbell with a violently shaking hand, and his face was stricken and pale. The dark, carefully styled hair was now covered with ice crystals. His upset eyes darted around to see her, and then desperately began to search around her.   
  
  
  
"Where is she?" he demanded urgently.   
  
  
  
Kim came to a stop before the stairs, already knowing who he was talking about. "Who?"   
  
  
  
"Kerry. Where is she?"   
  
  
  
She involuntarily took a step back at the frantic emotions that poured off him. This man had been totally in control less than three hours ago, and now he was a wreck. She glanced behind him at their house. The lights were out, and the porch light was still off. If Kerry had been there, she would've turned it on the minute she noticed Kim gone. "She isn't with you?"   
  
  
  
Kim studied him, noticing for the first time how puffy and blood shot his eyes were. He'd been crying...   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The white snow seemed to be falling faster over the iced-over water, glowing softly under the silver light of the barely exposed moon. The fine powder lay on the single bench next to the river, the rails now a long icicle. The ground under her feet was already freezing, turning into the street version of an ice rink.   
  
  
  
This was one of the few sections along the river that was mostly deserted. She'd discovered it one night after Kim had forced her into dinner with her friends. It had been a disastrous night, one that had left them both torn apart emotionally, but they'd worked through it. They always managed to work through it.   
  
  
  
She pulled the black wool trench coat tighter around her body as the chilly northern wind whipped around her. The shivers she felt were only subdued by the flood of her thoughts. Her lips burned against the inhumanly freezing wind. Where he'd kissed her.   
  
  
  
She still couldn't believe he'd done that, knowing that she was with Kim. But that wasn't really the problem, now was it?   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
'He kissed her. That bastard actually kissed her....' She turned sharply and began to pace the other way. Her eyes kept darting over to the door, then to the phone, then back to the floor. It was now after midnight and Kerry still hadn't even called her.   
  
  
  
In a quick move, she threw the closet door open and pulled out her coat. Yanking it on, she grabbed her keys and walked out of the house. She slammed the front door closed and raced down the steps toward her car. She was half way down the sidewalk when she let out a low growl and turned to go back inside.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
It was the way it had always been. An activity that left her feeling like there was something missing, feeling desperate to find that   
  
missing piece. Something that until now she hadn't known was off. She'd always thought that it was normal. Until Kim had come along and shown her what she'd been searching for.   
  
  
  
It had always been there, right in front of her, but she would immerse herself in a fantasy. The fantasy being men. All through middle school and high school, while the other girls were developing crushes and falling in love, she found herself feeling nothing but friendship. In a desperate attempt at being normal, she'd let her friends convince her that she had a crush on one of her closest friends. Brad.   
  
  
  
It had left their friendship ripped to pieces, and her friends.... They had found out that she'd lied and she lost their trust. Luckily it had been her last year of high school. The day that school let out, she'd moved cross-country from California to New York and started medical school. Putting all of that behind her, once again making herself believe that her lack of response was normal.   
  
  
  
It was a fantasy that had stayed neatly intact until six months ago, when Kim entered her life. She'd felt the blonde's presence   
  
immediately. The way she'd felt Morgan's presence, the way she'd felt Pam's presence in med school.   
  
  
  
Once again she'd followed that feeling into a close friendship. She'd find herself thinking of that person constantly. Her stomach would feel funny, and flip nervously before they would meet. Her entire body would become hypersensitive whenever they were near her. Something that she always thought she was supposed to feel towards men, and once again she just shrugged it off as being normal.   
  
  
  
At least until the night that Kim had admitted to her that she thought they were dating. The night her entire world had been flipped upside down and thrown into confused chaos. She was 39 years old and was faced with one more thing that made her an outsider.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
She was worried. She was beyond worried. Kerry had been in a constant state of denial since they'd first gotten together, and this was the last thing she needed. Everything had been going so well between them, and now this.   
  
  
  
She poured another cup of tea. She seriously needed to calm down before Kerry got home. After the night she'd had, she didn't need to deal with an anxious psychiatrist. She took a long soothing breath and exhaled. Closing her eyes to the empty kitchen, she focused on the silence around her. The anxiety began to lessen, slowly fading away, leaving only calmness.   
  
  
  
A soft click sliced through her calm, making her eyes snap open. Forgetting her calmness, she raced into the living room. She searched the woman that had left her worried all evening, for some sign of what was going on with her... Her normally pale face was red from being out in the cold.   
  
  
  
The red head was just standing there, her purse dangling from her crutch. The green-grey eyes that set her soul on fire were staring blankly at the opposite end of the living room. Fear clutched at her stomach when she neither made a move or tried to talk.   
  
  
  
"Kerry?"   
  
  
  
"I'm gay."   
  
  
  
Kim could barely hear the whispered reply that seemed to take every ounce of Kerry's strength to say. Kerry tore her eyes from the far wall and glanced to her, helplessly. She had no idea what to say, or do. That first step of admitting who you are, especially at Kerry's age, was unnerving.   
  
  
  
Kerry's demeanor seemed to take on a quiet strength. A peaceful acceptance radiating from her as she repeated softly but forcefully. "I am gay."   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Here."   
  
  
  
She pulled the thick quilt tightly around her body as she accepted the steaming mug of tea. She was only dimly aware that Kim had taken a seat next to her on the couch. The blonde rested her hand on Kerry's pajama-clad leg and began to slowly rub the warm skin.   
  
  
  
She could feel the questions burning from her lover. They'd been there since she'd walked through the door, but like always, Kim had put her first. Rushing her into the bathroom for a hot shower, then herding her onto the coach in front of the fire with a cup of tea.   
  
  
  
"Michael was here when I got home. He told me what happened."   
  
  
  
Kerry leaned into her, emotionally exhausted. The moment she spoke out loud, what she'd been whispering in her mind for the last few months, it felt like a heavy burden had been lifted off her mind. Leaving her tired and ready to drop. "I didn't want to admit it to myself. I...I'd managed to convince myself that what I felt was just friendship. Even after we started dating I just....I refused to believe that I could ever be gay."   
  
  
  
Kim wrapped her arms around Kerry's thin frame and buried her face into her hair. It shouldn't have happened like this. Kerry never should've been forced out of denial. It should've been up to her, to decide when she finally came to terms with her sexuality. If she ever got hold of Michael again, she'd make sure that bastard wouldn't be walking straight for the next year.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"You're lucky that Kim had to work."   
  
  
  
Michael nodded absently, keeping his eyes on the table. He always prided himself on his manners, on knowing when to act and when not to. Last night, he'd sensed that Kerry hadn't been open to his advances, but he'd acted anyway.   
  
  
  
The kiss, while it had been wonderful for him, had ended with Kerry backing away. Wild eyed and obviously confused. He expected to be slapped, kneed, and half a dozen other reactions. Yet, that lost look had been the most painful thing she could've done to him. "I'm sorry."   
  
  
  
Kerry glanced up from the stove with obvious surprise. She knew he felt bad over the kiss, but for him to take it so hard... " Apology excepted."   
  
  
  
Michael shut his eyes against the glow of her face. She was so happy. Happy in a way that he'd never seen, and he was glad for her. He just wished that he was responsible for it. He reopened his eyes and stood up. It was clear to him now, that as much as he wanted her, it wasn't going to happen. His being here, in her life, was only going to make things worse.   
  
  
  
Kerry frowned slightly at the heartbroken look on his face. He seemed to come to a silent decision and took her into his arms, hugging her to him. She sighed and held him close.   
  
  
  
"You were the best I ever had..."   
  
  
  
"Michael..."   
  
  
  
"I wish you all the happiness in the world."   
  
  
  
She pulled away and smiled, puzzled, unsure what was going on with him. The phone began to ring in the back drawing her attention away. "I'll be right back...okay?" The large man seemed to be staring at her as though he'd never see her again. "Michael?"   
  
  
  
"Okay."   
  
  
  
She paused, undecided. Her mind telling her that she should stay. The phone rang again tearing her between two places. She quickly limped out of the kitchen and toward the bedroom, the last place she'd seen the cordless phone.   
  
  
  
Opening the door, the phone stopped mid-ring. She glared at the offending phone then started back for the kitchen. "Hey Michael, I was thinking the three of us could..."   
  
  
  
She trailed off as she noticed the living room was empty. "Michael...?" She could clearly see into the kitchen, which was also empty. Outside she heard an engine starting, and glanced out the window. Michael's dark green Mercedes was gone.   
  
  
  
She pressed her hand against the cold glass as though to bring him back. He was her friend, and she loved him because of that. She would miss him.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
So you sailed away   
  
Into a grey sky morning   
  
Now I'm here to stay   
  
Love can be so boring   
  
  
  
Nothing's quite the same now   
  
I just say your name now   
  
  
  
Chorus   
  
But it's not so bad   
  
You're only the best I ever had   
  
You don't want me back   
  
You're just the best I ever had   
  
  
  
So you stole my world   
  
Now I'm just a phony   
  
Remembering the girl   
  
Leaves me down and lonely   
  
  
  
Send it in a letter   
  
Make yourself feel better   
  
  
  
Chorus   
  
But it's not so bad   
  
You're only the best I ever had   
  
You don't need me back   
  
You're just the best I ever had   
  
  
  
And it may take some time to   
  
Patch me up inside   
  
But I can't take it so I   
  
Run away and hide   
  
And I may find in time that   
  
You were always right   
  
You're always right   
  
  
  
So you sailed away   
  
Into a grey sky morning   
  
Now I'm here to stay   
  
Love can be so boring   
  
  
  
What was it you wanted   
  
Could it be I'm haunted   
  
  
  
Chorus   
  
But it's not so bad   
  
You're only the best I ever had   
  
I don't want you back   
  
You're just the best I ever had   
  
The best I ever had   
  
The best I ever 


End file.
